Nota Bene for Musicians

p – piano (soft)
the neighbours have complained
f – forte (loud)
the neighbouts are out
Crescendo
getting louder – testing the neighbours tollerance level
ff
fortissimo (VERY loud) – to hell with the neighbours
pp
pianissimo (VERY soft) – the neighbours are at the door
Dim
thick
Obbligato
being forced to practice
Rit (and/or) Rall
coming up to the bit you haven’t practiced
Con moto
I have a car
Allegro
a little motor car
Maestro
a bigger motor car
Metronome
person small enough to fit comfortably into a Mini
Lento
the days leading up to Easto (with eggo and choco and things)
Largo
brewed in Germany (hence “Handel’s Largo reaches parts other beers cannot reach”)
Piu Animato
if you don’t clean that rabbit out it will have to go
Interval
time to meet the players in the bar
Perfect Interval
when drinks are on the house
Cantabile
singing (that is, viz. drunk)
Con spirito
drunk again
Cantata
a fizzy drink
Tutti
ice cream
Coda
served with chipsa
Codetta
child’s portion
Chords
things that organists play with one finger
Dischords
things that organists play with two fingers
Suspended chord
for lynching the soloist
Rubato
ointment for the musician’s back
Subdominant
“I can’t play until I’ve asked the wife”
Tonic
a pick-me-up
Syncopation
bowel contition brought on by an overdose of Jazz
Crotchet
knitting
Quaver
the feeling you get before a lesson when you haven’t practiced
Key signatures
silly things put there to frighten you (ignore them – they will go away and so will your audience)
Time signatures
things for drummers to ignore
Colla voce
this shirt is so tight I can’t talk
Professional
anyone who can’t hold down a steady job
Flats
English apartments
A tempo
in time
A tempo de cafe
Ah, coffee time!
Improvisation
what you do when the music falls down
Fugue
clever stuff
Prelude
warm-up session before the clever stuff
Acciaccatura / Appoggiatura
insects
Opus
exclamation made when Moggy has done a “whoopsie” on the carpet
Scales
fishy things
Trill
bird food
Virtuoso
someone who can work wonders with easy-play music
Antiphonal
crossed lines
Melody
an ancient and now extinct art in songwriting
Music
Happiness

One Response to “Nota Bene for Musicians”

  1. Gravatar Image

    I have a tea towel with this on dated 1989

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